ZOMBIE                        Jeffrey Joe Rubio  Edited 3/15/23.

Why do I feel so alone?

Deserted by God Who says, “He will never leave us.”

Why must I always be so dark?

Knowing there is no light left in me.

I am just a fathom that is no longer profound.

But, only shallow in the midst of my own longings.

Thrown from the building high above the city lights.

Landing on my feet though nothing is broken.

Then I feel the strong sharp claws that pierce my flesh.

Blood is flowing out like a spring from the rocks.

Still alive only to feel the pain.

Life has won and I have nothing to gain.

I am filled with the mysteries that have been set before me.

But, I can only see a glimpse of my misfortune.

Only to find I have no comfort nor help.

My strength lies in the ditch that I’ve made for myself.

Where do I turn when the gates of hell are at my front door?

Who do I turn to when the demons are screaming to come in?

God has left me all alone to fight this battle.

But I am weakened by all the cuts and bruises.

I am torn to shreds by all the evil I see.

the reflection in the mirror as I look dimly.

I am the Evil that is lurking out through my eyes.

Now I behold the mystery of my life.

In a soulless man waiting for the pit of hell.

To open and swallow me up in the shadows of hell.

Got to hide my emotions, got to mask my feelings.

Letting everyone know that I am fine.

But all of it is one big lie so, who will I tell?

I am an infidel living in the dirt that I dug myself.

Cursed by the madness of life that brings tears to my eyes.

There is no sublime or happiness only the sting of death.

The rot of my own flesh is the stench of my aroma.

Being fed to the vultures by my own demise.

It is hard to wake up in the early hours of the day.

Knowing that I have to face the day with the sunrise.

I am cursed from the day of my conception carrying the cross of burdens to my death.

I am the Zombie of pain.

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MY RECOVERY

I need to know that I truly belong to God.

I need to know that this life is not a lie

I need to know that I am free in God.

I need to know that my reality is not a lie.

I am filled with questions as it goes without saying

I am filled with the pain of the past

I am filled with longings to be desired of praising

I am filled with demons that the shadow cast.

Who can save me from my wretched soul and body?

Who can save me from my circle of despair?

Who can save me from myself, my mind, and body?

Who will spare my life from the agony of despair?

Lord, I feel so empty ruined by loathing and anger

Lord, I feel so numb inside, my heart my grave.

Lord how can I change the doubts from my anger?

Lord when will the peace set in when I’m in my grave?

I’ve gone through a metamorphosis change of agony.

Looking older with the knowledge of being wiser.

Though my numbers get higher as each passing year

I am reminded in the mirror of the horror raging.

Recovery is my sanctuary that I found to be enlightened.

Recovery has become my solitude of peace and light.

Led by the Spirit of my Higher Power Jesus Christ

Recovery is now my redemption of Blood and Flight.

I will basque in the Glory of my Saviour’s light

I will sing His praises forever in the light

I will be remembered who fought a good fight.

By: Jeffrey Joe Rubio

June 21, 2018

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MY OWN DESIGN

I am just a figment of my own imagination, wandering this world without a place of security. Wondering if I will ever be safe in this station, when all the while knowing that there is no truth. Only the belief that questions the heart of me, living in the lie that I once knew

Will I ever be saved from the presence of my fate only to walk the streets going nowhere? Due to the fact, that I am only one inch tall and cannot reach the step. People stepping on me as they pass by never seeing me for who I am or what I’ve become, when all the while I am fading in the background of which to come. Being torn into pieces as the knife goes in cutting me deeply, failing out of my life drowning in my own blood.

Life has been hidden from the hands I cannot touch nor that I care about. But whom am I caring for and for what purpose does it serve? Am I only a figment that delights in his own failures? Why am I the only one who wants to know the hidden secrets? But will the secrets serve their purpose? I can only guess the question and desire the death of me.

But I am dead, only in the sense that I was once alive underground in the dirt covered by the warmth of earth. Shallowness has become my own darkness, and I am swallowed up in the sting forever burning.

Shall I call forth the demons?  Many a times I have cried to God above, but He does not hear me, nor does He answer me. I scream inside myself when all the while the silence goes up quietly and all I feel is the dead cold heat of hell itself Never knowing where my destination lies yet, I am never knowing who I am. I am filled with the lust of men and the anger of self-esteem but it’s so low that I cannot see above me.

Hell is bent and covers me with fire and smoke that I cough and gag by the Sulphur stench, only to find it is my cologne. I will find my way to the truth of what is to come, and I will be free from the harshness that has brought me here to my life of surpassing surmise displayed on a shelf, filling up with half-truths and half lies. Glory shall run in and fill my house with fire as it burns freely while all the time God has not forsaken me but me Him.  I am all the grateful once again…

Service shall require my obedience of my own design…

By Jeffrey Joe Rubio       Edited 5/9/23

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